The year-in-review of burgers still has Father’s Office burger still at the top of the pack, which is surprising to me, since there was good food in Los Angeles, but I would think that these other places would give them a good run for the money. Still, though, I had some good burgers, and some just okay ones. Here’s the rundown and the ratings, from least preferred to most (I say least preferred, because most of the time, my fat ass will take a burger over most anything else, even a crappy one).

10. Big Nick’s Burger and Pizza Joint - I had some not so spectacular things to say about this place, and to top it all off, it’s all the way on the Upper West Side, which makes it a not very good destination eatery, though if I ever find myself hungry, it’s past midnight, and on the Upper West Side, I’ll go in again and find something to eat of their enormous menu.

9. Goodburger - I also had not very many nice things to say about this place, and that mostly has to do with the bland burger meat and unripe tomatoes. I thought maybe the Black & White Shakes they had would make up for them during my first visit, but when we went there a couple months ago, they were nothing special. The fries, too, were like McDonald’s: thin-cut and lightly salted. Normal and boring.

8. Sliders - One of the few burger places I’ve visited in the city (of San Francisco), the best thing about this place is the rotating grills they have to cook the patties. Basically, it looks like a grill is placed on a spindle and it just rotates at a constant rate so the cook can flip them more easily. I really don’t know why it’s necessary, and it’s not as if it makes the burgers any better than anywhere else, but I thought it was funny. The burger itself was inconsequential; they had a condiment bar, which usually means the tomatoes are sitting out all day, and the lettuce is a soggy lump. Not entirely so here, but the sesame seed bun was tedious and the meat was overcooked. The bacon was not soggy, but still couldn’t save this burger from mediocrity.

7. Schnack - We gave this place a few different tries, the first of which I went alone. I’m finding it pretty hard to figure out why everyone loves their burgers so much, as you can tell from the picture, it’s pretty meager, and it feels weird to pay for your burger by the cent — Lettuce and tomato is $.60, mayo another $.65. The “best deal” burger is something I’ve never had, but I’m willing to go back and give it a try: Quad (that’s right, 4 patties), American Cheese, bacon, lettuce and tomatoes. The fries are good, a hefty basket and a good amount of spice to them. There are also a few other oddities on the menu of which I haven’t had the chance to try yet, including their famous beer shakes, which sound remarkably wrong and disgusting — But I’ll try anything a few times. I’m stupid like that. Remember that time I ate chicken feet?

6. In-N-Out - This is the other California place I always go to. Did I tell you that when we had a stopover on our way to New York this summer, we stopped in Oakland and Los Angeles and both times I had my very awesome family bring us In-N-Out? Actually, in Los Angeles we changed our connecting flight and stayed the night and had some. It’s that good, and it’s damn cheap. The fries are unique to the chain, which isn’t saying much, but they’re particular and part of the package, like red pepper flakes on pizza, natch. Next time, maybe Zuni Cafe will get thrown in the SF stop, but we’re going to LA in a couple of weeks, and you better believe In-N-Out will be one of our visits (though I would forgo that for Father’s Office, just to see if the burger lives up to the hype in my head). One of the best things about this burger is the grilled bun.

5. Gavroche - A small little French “country-style food” restaurant in the West Village, Gavroche has a brunch that serves that thick slab of meat you see there. The burger was a tad overcooked, but the cheese was superb and the bun firm and a little greasy, which has some sort of sick allure to me. There’s also mushrooms and sauteed onions in that stack there, which are rare for me, but did well with the Angus Beef. The frites were double-fried, and golden, though I could have used a few more on the plate. What made this place weirdly nice was the owner, Cameila Cassin, formerly the General Manager of Les Halles, taking our orders — The waiter called in sick that day.

4. Union Smith Cafe - I’ve had a few burgers from here, which is right up the street from us; nothing beats it for convenience, and the rest of the menu is safe, comfortable fare. The burgers have varied from time to time, mostly the way they are cooked, but the first time I had a burger here, I thought it was the best thing I’d eaten in Brooklyn since we got into town. Bleu cheese and bacon — and the bleu cheese was generous, which tends to overpower the rest of the burger, and it was real crumbles, not a sauce or a mixture, so it was strong; just not too strong for me. I’ll continue to frequent this place because it is comfortable and the guy we usually get to wait on us will tell us stories about the Twilight Zone ride down at Universal Florida. Also, bonus points for good and (fairly) cheap beer — the Goose Island Honkers Ale is my choice.

3. Scoop Du Jour - I don’t know how many times I have to tell people that have been living in Seattle for a long time to go here. This place kicks Red Mill’s ass up and down the street, plus you don’t have to deal with lame Magnolia and Phinney Ridge teens behind the registers, or huge crowds. And the burger is first-rate. Like I said before, there’s so many good things about this burger, but my favorite is the crispy ends of the meat, so you know it’s really actually just fried on a flat grill in its own juice, but that’s what keeps it so salty and good. This place is a Godsend on Seattle summer evenings.

2. 67 Burger - Fort Greene’s newest best hamburger shop in town. I can’t really say that with much conviction because this is the only burger I’ve had in Fort Greene, but it really is very good. The most impressive: the bacon is in bits and is extra crispy, you can see that in this pic. The burgers were cooked to true medium-rares, both times I went, and they have Bosco Chocolate Soda, which may not sound so good to some people out there, kind of like beer milkshakes, but I like it. Carbonated chocolate milk, kinda. The fries were really salty the first time I had them — curly fries like Arby’s, but the second time they were much better, no extra salt added. The staff and cook always comes around to see if everything was good, too, which is the kind of involvement I like from the proprietor. Also: first free refill, like, ever, in New York. Will be back, many, many times, I’m sure.

1. Shake Shack - The meat, oh, the meat. The fries are an acquired taste for some, but I like the crispness and the crinkle. What Shake Shack lacks in fries it makes up for in Concrete Jungles. I think that there’s something to be said about having a “season” for Shake Shack as well, even though I’d brave the cold several times a week if it were still open right now. And I’d be the dumbass eating a concrete in 20 degree weather.

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