you’re probably wondering what i’m still doing up. well, the paper that i have due tomorrow morning at 1130 is done, with hours to spare. much better than last time i was writing a paper for this dumb class. in any case, i thought it went okay at first, but it seriously degenerated as it got later into the night. i would have started earlier, but my dumb ass thought it’d be fun to leave it until today, and then my dumb ass volunteered to help jason haul a new arcade machine across town and into the house. by the time we were done, it was like 10 o’clock or something. and then…

i had to come to the stupid library because that’s the only place i knew i’d get anything done. well, only a few hours later and i’m done. finally. i do, however, have another paper to write, but since i like the class, i won’t mind so much.

well, i think that i shall put up a survey here soon (as soon as i figure out how). you remember those choose-your-own-adventure books? well, someday soon, this will be a choose-your-own-adventure blog, and you will have control over my life. (or at least a fraction (albeit a very small fraction) of it).

i’m going home and going to sleep. nightie night.

first off, a few corrections. i do find there is a difference between having quit smoking and quitting smoking. 2 weeks is not long enough to have already quit. the process is continual, and until i completely stop thinking about it, then it always will be. now that’s not to say i continually think about it. i do, but rarely.

secondly, i don’t think that the two are comparable. one is a drink, and the other is a smoke. people smoke all the time. people drink all the time. wine is good for you, i think. a glass a day, right?

on that note, i saw the emperor’s new groove the other night and agree with my comrades in saying that it was very, very strange. especially for the a disney movie. but funny, nonetheless.

q: so tim, what’s really been going on in your life? i think there’s something you’re not telling us.

a: what? i don’t know what you’re talking about. if you’re talking about me quitting smoking, then you’re right. i haven’t been telling you everything. i’m quitting. i haven’t quit, because i haven’t had a cigarette in two weeks plus two days. i’ve watched people smoke, been around smoking people, but haven’t had a cigarette. i have, however, drank beer. as if the two were the comparable.

q: you know, they kind of are. in any case, that’s not what i’m talking about. you know what i’m talking about.

a: really? tell me, then, seer of all seers. what do i know you’re talking about?

q: oh, come on now. for weeks you’ve been coming up with weak anecdotes and alkaline updates of your daily mechanics. brainless clockwork.

a: ouch. harsh. i guess you’re right though. i wouldn’t necessarily say they were alkaline. that’s kind of a snide remark, regardless if you’re talking about yourself or not.

q: alkaline means base. your updates have been basic and boring. besides, you’re just beating around the bush. stop changing the subject.

a: i don’t know, i wouldn’t say they’ve been boring either. people keep coming back, right?

q: yes, yes. you’re a rock star. whatever. anyways, what’s the reason for the lack of content about your romantic life? i mean, ever since the whole hat girl debacle. i suppose you’ve alluded to it here, here, and here. what are you trying to hide?

a: i’m not trying to hide anything, but do you really need to know everything about my life?

q: well, if you think about it, you’re really just talking to me, who is in turn you, and you know everything about your life anyway, so that question makes absolutely no sense. in fact, i don’t even know why i’m bothering even asking you any questions if you’re going to answer them with questions of your own. so you have a girlfriend now, right?

a: right.

q: and it’s good, right?

a: perfect.

q: that wasn’t so hard to say, was it?

a: easy as pie.

q: but you are a little worried that she thinks you take this weblog a little too seriously, and you also know she reads this, right?

a: yeah.

q: and that’s why you haven’t really been updating religiously about your love life, right?

a: we should play pin the tail on the donkey.

q: she’s going to read this, isn’t she?

a: i went out to coffee tonight, trying to get some reading done that i was supposed to get done earlier in the weekend, but didn’t, because i spent the day lounging around in bed. i read about a half a page, gave up, and came home.

q: don’t try to return to regular programming. who’d you spend the day lounging around in bed with?

a: you’re evil.

q: i’m a masochist.

a: right.

q: i better get to sleep.

a: yep.

so i’m a few minutes late.

i haven’t had time to update, and i missed the show at the graceland tonight, for just reasons. the weekend went by much too quickly, and all the things that i planned on getting done almost got done. almost.

friday night, circus of the stars had their very first show (albeit unbilled) at the factory in bellingham, and got paid a total of $75 bucks. i think that’s almost the most money i’ve ever made at a show. rick and i played 4 songs, and i played 3 songs with matt as well. the show went well, and i brought up an entourage of 11 people up with me, so it was nice. i saw people i hadn’t seen in ages, and the show went off without a hitch. i made funny moves with my feet and played way too fast.

on saturday we had another show and we had a bunch of awesome bands play here at my house. goldstar, the gift machine, and a sandcastle still played, and i ended the long long night myself. it was a lot of fun, although i wish more people had showed up. i played jinx removing, and i didn’t have time to tune down half a step, so i sang it really high and it sounded funny, i think.

sigh. this update wouldn’t pass for real content in a million years. nothing but banal mundaneness. my apologies.

if i look up, and the sky’s not there is there any reason that i should be scared?:

well, i’m skipping class right now, in order to get this update done, read another book (one down, two to go!), get things ready for the show tonight, and find a stupid antenna for my cell phone. (the antenna broke a while ago, but just lay in the slot for a while. it fell out one day, and i couldn’t find it, so it has been sitting uselessly on the kitchen table since then.)

i’m pretty excited about the show tonight and the show tomorrow night. they should be good. i had a sheet of lyrics to a song i’m going to cover on the kitchen table the other day (jinx removing, you know - jawbreaker), and i left it there. in the morning, i woke up and saw another piece of paper covering the lyrics, and it said, “here’s some lyrics for you!” and it was the lyrics to that stupid american hi-fi song about nintendo or something (”he’s too stoned! nintendo!”). maybe i’m just being a snob. but i thought it was pretty funny.

ricki lake just had a show called “i want to confront my man’s other booty calls!”

alright, i gotta go get some stuff done. i promise there to be some actual content here later this weekend. promise.

it doesn’t matter what might come true:

i have to read 3 books by tuesday next week. i have to write 2 papers by tuesday next week. i have a doctor’s appointment, practice for school stuff, supposedly practice for show at the factory, and the show at the factory in bellingham on friday. i have a show/party here at home on saturday, and on sunday, i’m to go to the graceland again to see some friends play. i need to start thinking about a film i want to make, but am probably going to end up writing a crappy paper instead, and i accidentally joined another vocal ensemble performance for the same performance class. i have bills to pay, and i need to find a job. i have cds to make, cover art to finish, and other projects that i just haven’t gotten around to. i still have to practice for saturday. i have to practice for friday. christ. i have a lot of shit to do.

but what do i do instead? relax. it’s better that way. i had dinner by myself at flowers tonight, probably the first time i was there since then. i got the nice waitress this time, the one that i told about jesse and james and how they were characters in pokemon (i.e., team rocket). i had a falafel sandwich and sat there reading the lazarillo de tormes. i watched people smoke.

they walked in and out all the time, and i was in particular watching one specific table in between bites and pages. it started out with just a boy and a girl sitting at that table, and in the span of an hour or so, people just kept trickling in, and i was thoroughly impressed that these two knew everyone that strolled in through the door. they’d pull up a chair, and sit down and have a drink with them. i like that. regardless of whether or not they had planned it. plans are good.

i finished up my meal, and waddled to the bus stop and enjoyed the leisurely trip home with the sun resting on the horizon.

sometimes i love being indifferent.

my eyes have been dialated, but stupidly, i still insist on staring at the computer screen. apparently, the retina in my eyes are loosening, almost detaching from the rest of my eye. i don’t think it’s anything to worry about, and that’s what my doctor said, that it’s natural to have your eyes loosen up as you get older. wait, i’m getting older? oh, i never would have thought.

i couldn’t get new lenses (my old ones are scratched to hell), because they need to steal my old ones for 3 (3!) days and i don’t know if i can survive without them for that long. i have to look for my old glasses, the kind with the malcom x frames that nathan gave me oh so long ago. i’m going to the college inn pub tonight to meet glenn for a drink or two. my eyes are puffier now than ever. can you just imagine me feeling around on the ground for them. where the hell are my eyes? as if i could just shove them back in the sockets and see again. dammit. and then i get delirious and insane. where the hell am i? what’s going on?

if you were were my army / i would command / attack that holy land

i skipped class today. i was up till 5 last night, hanging out after having dinner with some friends. i have books to read, projects to attend to. i have an optometrist appointment today. my eyes kind of burn for some reason, like they’re hot and puffy and are going to fall out of my skull very soon. i always wondered that it you were invisible, if you’d be able to sleep, because you’d see right through your eyelids. i haven’t seen that kevin bacon invisible movie (what was it called? nevermind, i don’t care.), but i think they covered that in it. technically, though, you wouldn’t even be able to see if you were invisible, ’cause they’re be nothing for the light to refract off. semantics.

i’d much rather fly than be invisible. what was with wonder woman’s stupid invisible plane? god. someone seriously wasn’t thinking straight.

when i was younger, i used to have accidents with my toothbrush. i’d brush too fast too hard, and incorrectly. every now and then, i would be brushing and my toothbrush would come completely out of my mouth, and upon reinsertion, the head of the toothbrush hit the gums of my teeth really hard and i would end up with bruised and bleeding gums. sometimes it’d happen twice in one sitting. it was painful, and i felt like a jackass every time i did it. luckily, no one was really ever around to witness the event.

not until years later did i realize that i wasn’t using the proper motion, and i was doing my teeth more damage than good. i learned the correct manner, and i started to slow down a bit, ensuring a proper and long lasting set of teeth. recently, i’ve also started flossing regularly. i’m a good kid.

last night’s show was amazing, it was good to see scott there, albeit briefly. he talked about how cool it was to see that many people out there and being so supportive, and i agreed whole-heartedly. unfortunately, my dumb ass wasn’t watching the md player correctly, and only got the first 45 second of the weakerthans recorded. i got there late, and missed the rocky, which kind of sucks, but he’s from around here so i bet i’ll see him soon.

we walked into the graceland through the doors. i was wearing my lands farther east shirt again, and at the door, frankie (who used to run the showoff gallery in bellingham) greeted me with a knowing smile. we walked to the backroom where dashboard confessional was already playing, and as we stepped in, we were hit with a thick humid fog of heat, sweat and general uncomfortableness. right as we walked in, chris was singing screaming infidelities, and he cut the guitar for one sweet second, and everyone in the crowd sang along….your hair is everywhere….

he controlled the audience like i’ve never seen before. it was really fucking good.

this is going to be a great weekend. i have other papers to attend to, but my first is done, two more to go! but i don’t feel like i need to even think about them this weekend (although look where that got me today).

i really have nothing insightful to say, except for that my leg is shaking like mad and it feels really good. more to come, eventually. i swear. it’ll be good too. really, really good. tomorrow is the weakerthans and dashboard confessional and rocky votolato. woo-hoo!