1. Politics and Death. First of all, this list is going to be filled with a number of trivial things, so let’s get the serious shitty things out of the way, including the California recall, the war in Iraq, and the death of some great entertainers including Elliott Smith and Johnny Cash.
-Honestly, my only initial concern with the recall was the affect it was going to have on recalls elsewhere and the sway of governships towards Republicans. After Schwarzenegger was elected and he forgave loans to the fuckers that milked Californians for every cent they had in order to power their homes, rescinded the car tax so local communities won’t get the money that was supposed to give them (even though he had promised to keep the communities funds intact), and now he’s on the verge of suspending prop 98 which guarantees schools a certain amount of money. Having done exactly what he said he wouldn’t do by becoming a regular deceitful Republican politician, Gov. Schwarzenegger makes my shit list.
-It’s hard to believe that the war started this year. What with “major combat” having ended so quickly, it’s even hard to believe that only today did they find Hussein hiding in a fucking hole. Regardless of what can only be a good thing (aside from the boost it’s likely to give the administration), the war has been (until now) a complete fucking quagmire. No WMD’s, no justification for the urgency, fucking up foreign relations, Bush went ahead with the “regime change” and has cost, to date, thousands of Iraqi civilian lives, hundreds of soldier’s lives, and billions and billions of dollars.
I could go on about other things the administration has done to make this such a bad fucking year, but I don’t have all night.
-When Johnny Cash died, all I could think of was going to a bar in Greenwood in Seattle and playing “I Walk the Line” multiple times. Every time I’d walk in the bar, I’d play some Johnny Cash before we left. At the same time, thought of the slatch anecdotes from a couple years back.
While incredibly sad, Cash’s death did not have as much affect on me as Elliott Smith’s. I still haven’t figured out what exactly to say about it, but I do know that his music played an important part in a lot of people’s lives, mine included.
2. Traffic. It almost doesn’t seem right to continue this list with trivial things, but for fuck’s sake, this isn’t what you would call a quality website, so I’m going to continue the list with one of my least favorite things of the year, my commute. I take three freeways to get to work, the 105, the 405, and La Cienaga. The trip is roughly 20 miles, but on a good day, I will get to work (or home from work) in 35 minutes. On a bad day, it takes more like an hour. An hour to drive 20 miles is so excrutiating, I cannot complain and whine about it enough, as indicated by my consistent bitching and moaning about it.
Aside from the time I spend on the road, I would also like to mention the increasing amounts of idiots on the road, not just here in Los Angeles, but everwhere. And in all likelihood, I’m talking about YOUR driving, because when I’m in my car, I hate 95% of all the other cars on the road and will make it clear that I do. Glad to say, though, that my audible and usually visible vexation has only gotten me chased around the streets of LA once. (“Naw, due, I was saying VACUUM.”)
3. TV. I’ve only caught one episode of this show all year. I missed all of last season, thank God, but the season before that, the first one, James made it a point to catch Smallville every Weds. Last week, though, because Ed was a re-run, I caught an episode featuring Clark Kent tousling with Lana Lang whilst Chloes watched secretly and sobbed dramatically. Then something caught on fire, Kent saved someone’s life, and Lex did something mean. It’s amazing how WB can ruin a franchise, just like they ruined Batman, and while it’s not the Steve Harvey Show, Smallville is still very, very bad.
Other bad shows included a wide variety of reality television, including Joe Millionaire, Joe Average, Joe Blow, Joe Mama, and Cuppa’ Joe. Though I will admit that I have not seen many of the shows because I refuse to watch them, I will say that since I can barely sit through the commercials, I can see how a half hour of the show would make me want to poke my eyes out, then poke your eyes out for making me watch the show. So watch your back, because I’d probably poke your eyes out first.
4. Baseball. While I know none of you care, and even if you HAVE gotten this far on the list, I must mention how much this year sucked for baseball. Red Sox and Cubs was a no go for the World Series, Sammy Sosa corked his bat, the Mariners didn’t even make it to the playoffs, and now the Winter meetings are making them look like they’re going to suck even worse next year. Seriously, though, a couple years ago I would have give a SHIT about what’s going down in baseball, but now that I got all interested, stupid things start to happen. You know why? Because I care, and the baseball gods hate me.
5. Movies. I enjoy a bad movie every now and then, but every now and then does not mean there needs to be a bad movie out all that often, and this year was full of shitty flicks, including but not limited to Gigli, Kangaroo Jack, From Justin to Kelly, Dreamcatcher, Darkness Falls and Belly of the Beast. In any case, for all intents and purposes, that last movie is the fucking bomb if you wanna have a few riotous laughs at Steven Seagal’s expense (I snicker just thinking about the soundtrack of Seagal’s heavy breathing), but Kangaroo Jack isn’t even funny to watch for it’s awfulness. So the next time you see either Anthony Anderson or Jerry O’Connell, punch them in the neck for me and demand recompense for time allotted to that piece of shit. And for your information, I was PAID to watch that movie, and I still want my money back.
-Check back next week for 2003’s Useless List of Things I Liked!