As I move into my second year of school here I realize that I’ve been doing this for a whole year. Over a year, even - since I started school summer of 2008. Which means I’ve survived a whole year at school, a whole year living with Longball and a whole year living in Pullman. (Again, over a year but details…).
It’s made me think about what it’s like here and made me want to write about it.
I can say without a doubt that I am happier than I’ve been in my adult life.
With a statement like that, I better have something to back it up for all of you skeptics (including myself).
Before I moved here I hated many aspects of my life. On the surface or to an outsider I had it all. Cute apartment in the middle of an awesome neighborhood in a hip city. I had a good-paying job in a creative field as a project manager which held some clout. My debt was to be paid off in one year. I had the life I always thought I wanted.
To many, my job was great but I was miserable. I dreaded every single day. Sunday afternoons I sat on the edge of my bathtub depressed. The bigger problem was that I kept beating myself up by telling myself I had everything I wanted so why was I so miserable.
When Longball went out for surgery it brought things into sharp focus for me. By September (his first surgery was June 2007) Longball had been laid off and I decided I wanted to drastically change gears by going into the field of psychology. I began researching where I could take classes to get prerequisites that I needed for any kind of advanced degree. I looked up Washington State University on a whim and realized that they offered an MS, PhD in Clinical Psychology and a PhD in Counseling Psychology (pretty much all the options). I mentioned this to Longball.
He had just spent four months sitting in the same dingy armchair in his dark basement apartment. As soon as I mentioned Pullman (where he’s from, if you remember) his face lit up. We pretended to debate our options about our lives but honestly we decided it at the very first mention that day in the basement apartment.
It made some practical sense, but I loved the sheer lunacy of it. I wanted to start. over. People came and went in my life while I toiled away, staying in Seattle working toward “success” at a job. All of my best friends and my sister all had come and gone to move on to more exciting options. This would be the riskiest choice of many of my friends: quitting a good job to move to a small town and initially live with my boyfriend’s father. Going back to school as an undergraduate.
On October 20th I sat in a Thai restaurant in Seattle with my good friend Sable and announced the decision out loud. When I told my family and close friends, no one was shocked. I was going. I had a “quit” date that was 24 weeks away from that date.
We’ve had our ups and downs since our decision. The weather here is ridiculously variable and harsh. Living with a boy is hard and we’ve had some major dust-ups. I broker our cable remote by throwing it at the fireplace. I miss my friends. There is bad fashion everywhere. There is no good Asian food at all. For a college town, there is not even any good pizza.
But like any good college town: then there is beer. And excitement. And optimism. If I could sum up what’s great about Pullman for me it is the optimism. People here are optimistic about their futures. They are going places and haven’t been stamped down by years of disappointment, lay-offs and filing. People are excited about learning.
My present is insane. I am more broke and more busy than I have ever been. My brain is constantly being challenged. I have to write papers again (something after graduating with a degree in English I was happy never to have to do again). Even with all that, I’ve never been happier.
Sure it’s somewhat artificial - the optimism and the college life. Not everything works out, but it’s a great environment to be in again. It’s a great attitude to emulate.
No matter what, once again I have a future. I have optimism, I look forward. It’s not what I thought I wanted, but I can’t imagine myself anywhere else anymore.
<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/amieable/3953706093/” title=”Apple Cup by amieable, on Flickr”><img src=”http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2468/3953706093_102208c16c.jpg” width=”500″ height=”375″ alt=”Apple Cup” /></a>
<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/amieable/3954495118/” title=”Christmas Dance by amieable, on Flickr”><img src=”http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3458/3954495118_cc5cd609b9.jpg” width=”500″ height=”375″ alt=”Christmas Dance” /></a>